Tall Matt's Travels

This was posted in the dorm room of a hostel in Knysna, South Africa. I've posted verbatim.

Welcome to Highfields
Respect us and we will respect you.

1. Accommodation must be paid daily.  No debts are allowed.
   
   
2. Check out time is 11am sharp. You will be charged an extra night's accommodation at any point thereafter.
   
   
3. Please consider neighbours and fellow guests when coming after 10pm by keeping noise levels to a minumum, no matter how drunk you are.
   
   
4. Office hours are from 7:30am to 9pm. All business is to be dealt with during these hours.
   
   
5. Breakfast is served between 8am and 11am. You snooze you loose.
   
   
6. The growing, smoking, possessing, eating, drinking, snorting and baking of Marijuana is not permitted. Unless you are a Rastafarian.
   
   
7. This is a backpackers not a hotel, we don't give out towels but you can buy or rent one at reception.
   
   
8. Due to inconsiderate drunken bastards the pool area is off limits between 10pm and 8am. This also helps with our anally retentive neighbour who is on a mission to shut us down.
   
   
9. Snoring, rustling of bags, turning on the lights or any other inconsiderate behaviour in the dorms is entirely at your own risk.
   
   
10. Please respect the hostel and its facilities and treat it like your grandmas.
    
    
11. Thieves will find themselves sucking on a Glock 9mm.
    
    
12. All in house activities and trips are at your own risk. Africa is not for sissies.
    
    
13. If you ask a stupid question, expect a stupid answer.
    
    
14. We hate people that don't do thier own washing, drying and packing away of dishes, including pots and pans. So play along and remember you contribute to a cleaner society.
    
    
15. Hostel bookings will be done at 7pm, any other calls will be charged for.
    
    
16. Please abide by these rules for the benefit of staff, fellow guest and neighbours.